HW 17

This unit could not be coming at a more ironic time in my life, seeing as I will be missing a lot of it to be in the hospital. I have been hospitalized 16 times in 10 years, so by now I’m used to it. That doesn't mean I don’t hate it however. That doesn't mean I can’t smell the death and taste the fear when I’m in a hospital. It just means I have grown accustomed to those things as a part of my life. I've probably been accustomed to them since the tender age of 6. I think all that time being in the hospital, trying to think about anything else but the present, or looking deep inside your self past your lifetime into your own soul, brings you to a level that most people today couldn't fathom.

I almost died a bunch of times. The first time I was three, I slipped off my floating device and quickly sank to the bottom of the pool. I remember sitting there, on the floor of the deep end, and the overwhelming blue that was surrounding me. I wasn't scared at all, I didn't even really understand what was going on. Soon my mom had leapt into the pool and dragged me out again. December 1, death 0.

But just because I had cheated death, doesn't mean I wasn't keenly aware of it. In-fact from then on, I could always feel death, just steps behind me, seeking me out. But I remained hidden.

Another time, I was probably 10, I woke up bleeding which I had also grown used to. But this morning was different. I opened my mouth and it was like a fire hose in reverse. What was gushing profusely was hot and red. My blood. I swaggered to the bathroom where my memory ended. Years later, when I had gathered enough courage to relive that moment in my head, I found my memory didn't really stop there. It just moved. When I remember that day it all goes up to that moment, and then I pass out from blood loss. My best friend is in the kitchen helping my frantic grandma dial 911. There I am bleeding out ever so quickly, my whole family is gathered around me. The paramedics come, they rush in and clear out the room. How come I can remember all of that so well if I was passed out on the floor? I’ll tell you: because I was watching it. I saw it all happen from above. My soul left my body and it hovered there, and it decided that it had way too many plans to start all over, so it went back.

I think it’s comparable to enlightenment, if it isn't actually enlightenment. And its too damn bad that everyone can’t reach this level. That’s what we need to fix the world.



You can believe me or not. You can think I’m conceited or not. But I know what I lived. I know I’m much more in touch with my soul than most people nowadays are. I know death is looking for me, and I know I will keep outsmarting it till I’m good and ready.